


Runaways

by funkylilwriter



Series: Summer of 2018 [11]
Category: Dreamcatcher (Korea Band)
Genre: Bittersweet, F/F, Fluff and Angst, I hurt myself writing this, Nostalgia, Songfic, Summer, Summer Vacation, Teen Angst, Teen Romance, but it's lowkey angsty, identity crisis, im still not sure about the end
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-22
Updated: 2018-08-25
Packaged: 2019-07-01 05:55:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 2,749
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15767970
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/funkylilwriter/pseuds/funkylilwriter
Summary: Blonde hair blowing in the summer windA blue eyed girl playing in the sandI'd been on her trail for a little whileBut that was the night that she broke down and held my handA teenage rushShe said, "Ain't we all just runaways? We got time"But that ain't much





	1. I

**Author's Note:**

> Song: Runaways by The Killers

She easily could have been a part of Yoobin’s imagination. Try spending two weeks in a family resort at the time when you’re just old enough to be bored on a summer vacation with your parents, but not old enough to go anywhere on your own.

One starts to go insane.

Every day is the same, the same beach, the same restaurant, the same books, the same people, the same view.

And it’s beautiful; Yoobin isn’t an ungrateful brat, but it definitely gets overwhelming. It becomes too much, sitting around with the same people who have all the same things to tell you.

 “When did you become so gloomy?”

“Why don’t you find some friends?”

“You used to be so happy, what happened to you?”

“What will you do after you finish school?”

“You ought to be more enthusiastic about things, you can’t just let life throw you around.”

All the same, over and over, being drilled into her brain.

As if Yoobin didn’t know this. As if she hadn’t killed her ambitions early on because she’d realized they were stupid and unrealistic. As if she hadn’t become this way on purpose, knowing that it’s better to be an emotionless lump of coal than to feel too much.

When you’re numb, you can’t feel bad. If you don’t feel bad, you don’t bother people. They can’t say your sadness is affecting them.

When you don’t care about anything, you can’t be anxious. When you’re not anxious, people around you aren’t uncomfortable.

It’s better off this way, no one gets hurt.

And yet they aren’t happy. People are hard to please.

“You don’t smile as much as you used to.”

“How is there nothing you’re passionate about?”

“You used to love reading and singing, what happened to that?”

She wanted it all to stop and she wanted them to shut up. But she knew the best way to go was to just stay silent.

Fast forward a week into the vacation from hell.

Perhaps she’d only gotten there. Yoobin was hoping she was real.

_Blonde hair blowin' in the summer wind_

_A blue eyed girl playing in the sand_

Bent over her sand castle, Yoobin could see her slightly furrowed eyebrows and still lashes – she wasn’t blinking. It was an expression of pure focus. She was biting her lip, cheeks slightly puffed in effort.

It was ridiculous. How could anyone be so invested in such a silly task?

Yoobin watched as she ran to find a flag of some sort, one of those small things they put in your cocktail. She padded through the sand and landed hard on her knees, then carefully stuck the flag on top of the tower of her sand castle.

Then she looked up.

Yoobin bowed her head and buried her nose in the long forgotten book she was holding. She peeked over the edge and saw that the blonde girl was waving.

Yoobin looked around. Hesitantly, she waved back.

The girl was now beckoning her and Yoobin wasn’t sure she wanted to stand up. But she did.

She walked over and crouched by the sand castle – she didn’t like getting sand in places it shouldn’t be – on its opposite side so she wouldn’t be next to the stranger.

“It took me hours,” the girl said with a self satisfied smile playing on her lips.

“I hope you put sunscreen on,” Yoobin blurted out.

The girl treated it like the funniest thing she’d ever heard in her life. She held her stomach as she laughed hard, shaking her head. “I did, but I doubt it helped any. I’ve been here for a while.”

“You should take a dip, then. To cool down,” Yoobin suggested, not looking up from the castle.

She just knew that the sight she’d meet would be fatal. Crescent eyes, glossy lips stretched in a bright smile; high cheekbones and long lashes. Yoobin’s heart sped up.

“I probably should,” the girl said and stood up, dusting herself off. “Join me?”

Yoobin glanced up uncertainly. The sun was in her eyes so she couldn’t have a proper look at the girl, but it wasn’t such a bad thing. This way she had the chance to get her heart under control.

“Sure,” Yoobin said and stood, careful not to step on the castle.

As they went to the water, the girl said, “My name is Handong.”


	2. II

Suddenly there was a reason to get up in the morning and go to the same beach every day. It meant seeing Handong, and as they were stuck at the resort 24 hours a day, it was possible to spend the days together.

The entire day.

Yoobin was looking forward to seeing Handong and her various outfits; sometimes she wore floral dresses, other times she wore large t-shirts with high-waisted shorts but most of the time she was in swimsuits.

Yoobin tried to fight it, but her mind would often end up wondering despite her efforts. She was thinking about slipping her arms around Handong’s slim waist, holding her close while watching the sunset on the all too familiar beach. Leaning in, stealing a kiss; Handong would smile, perhaps even giggle.

But Yoobin never said or tried anything, she didn’t have the confidence. On one hand she was being pressed by the limited time they would have together while on the other she didn’t want to push things exactly for that reason.

She convinced herself that she was content the way things were.

Handong and Yoobin spending days together inseparably didn’t go unnoticed. Her parents were asking about the blonde girl their daughter didn’t seem to leave alone.

“It’s a good thing, you’ve finally found a friend.”

Yoobin ignored them. She ignore all and any remarks made about Handong until their two families actually started to hang out.

It was a horrifying morning. She got out of bed a bit later than usual and walked onto the pavilion, looking around to find her parents.

She spotted them by Handong and her family’s table, chatting happily. Yoobin was mortified. It took her a second to respond to being beckoned, to take a place by the table and put on a smile as if she was happy this was happening.

She hated it. She’d wanted Handong all to herself but now their friendship has become just a tourist attraction for both their families.

She knew what was about to come; group activities, constant questions of what they’d be doing next, if the others can join…

No. No, no, no, no.

As everyone around her buzzed in a light morning conversation, Yoobin locked eyes with Handong. She seemed to be the only one who could notice Yoobin’s distress, her terrified gaze and the tremble of her lip.

Handong was like an angel. She was quick to react, telling everyone at the table that her and Yoobin would go swimming, grabbed her hand and dragged her outside.

They didn’t go swimming.

Handong took her to a secluded era behind the dining pavilion, which was further from the one used for breakfast.

They sat on a low concrete step where Yoobin curled up and hugged her knees.

“What’s wrong?”

Yoobin didn’t answer.

Handong nudged her. “Hey. You’re pouting so something’s wrong.”

Yoobin shook her head and pressed her forehead to her knees. She didn’t know how to tell Handong what was wrong without sounding like a possessive psycho.

Handong turned towards Yoobin, tucking her ankle under her thigh to be more comfortable. “Okay, we can do it like this. You can talk to me and I’ll do my best to help, or we can forget completely about the whole thing and try to have fun.”

“Ignoring issues never really works. It’s just being delusional,” Yoobin muttered. It was ironic really, that being said by someone who’d dedicated a lot of time to ignoring her issues in hopes of becoming numb to them.

Handong pursed her lips in thought. “That’s true but I can’t force you to face the issue.”

Yoobin flicked her gaze to Handong and shrunk into herself even more. “It’s not a real issue. I liked being friends with you without others interfering.”

It took Handong a moment to understand the true meaning of Yoobin’s words since she’d presented her feelings in a very mild manner, lessening the impact. But Handong wasn’t blind like so many; she could see that Yoobin was truly upset.

“Oh.” She paused. “I promise I won’t stop paying attention to you,” she blurted out.

“We have a lot of time to spend together, so don’t worry! You’ll always have me.”

As much as Yoobin wanted to find this reassuring, she also knew that the truth was bit different. They didn’t have that much time. And as poetic as Handong’s “always” sounded, it was meaningless. They wouldn’t have an “always.”


	3. III

Handong had at least kept her promise. She didn’t let Yoobin feel lonely a single moment, making sure she was always by her side.

Yoobin appreciated it even though Handong couldn’t be there for her always. Maybe that’s why it hurt so much – because they both knew they’d have to leave.

They spent every waking moment together, trying not to worry about what was about to come, but that was the night that she broke down and held her hand.

Yoobin thought she would go insane, sitting at the table with both of their families laughing over some horrible joke. Talking about their children and their success because parents apparently have nothing else going on.

Yoobin wanted to disappear, she wanted to share the beautiful evening with Handong only.

And once again she came to the rescue, quietly slipping her hand into Yoobin’s. Yoobin was baffled, she looked around for any sort of reaction from the others but the touch was their secret. Under the table where no one could see, Yoobin’s hand fit perfectly with Handong’s.

And maybe they both finished their food too quickly. Maybe they both just wanted to get away from the table and sit on the beach together and watch the moon reflecting in the dark, shimmering water.

But Handong wasn’t radiating the usual cheerfulness. Her smile was faint, her gaze distant. Yoobin didn’t mind, she didn’t only like Handong when she was happy; she liked her always.

And she knew that Handong couldn’t always be someone else’s source of strength and happiness. Yoobin thought herself weak, but she wanted to be there for Handong as well.

“What’s wrong?”

Unlike Yoobin, Handong didn’t hesitate to answer, “I’m afraid.”

“Of what?”

“The future.” She shrugged, giving Yoobin a weak smile. “But it’s okay. Isn’t everyone?”

Yoobin glanced down at the sand, digging through it absently. “Not me. I live my life day for day.” She paused. “Honestly… I don’t see my life being all that long. I think that’s way.”

Handong’s smile faded and she glanced ahead. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay. At least I’m living.”

They stayed quiet for a while, both staring at the water.

“I think it’s gotten worse since I’ve gotten here,” Handong muttered.

Yoobin gave her a questioning look.

“I hate plunging into the unknown. It terrifies me. I’m moving to Hong Kong to go to school and… It’s made me want summer to never end. Summer ending means leaving home, going to a new one, new school, more difficult than the one I’m leaving, new friends… I’m scared. And… Hong Kong is so far from Seoul.” As she said this, she pressed her forehead to her knees, hiding her face.

Yoobin’s eyes widened; she knew full well that her interpretation of Handong’s words may not have been the correct one, but she couldn’t help it. Her heart was already fluttering.

Yoobin was trying to think of something good to say to reassure Handong, Yoobin wanted to help but she simply didn’t know how. She cared so little about the future that she really had no reassuring words to share and it made her feel useless.

“It’s okay,” Handong said as if reading Yoobin’s mind. “I’ll be fine, you don’t really have to say anything. I don’t really want to talk about it either. Just… Don’t leave. For as long as we have together, just don’t leave.”

Yoobin nodded. “You can count on that.”

Handong stood suddenly and took Yoobin’s hand, pulling her up.

“Come on,” she said as she dragged the younger along.

“Where are we going?” Yoobin questioned as Handong’s pace turned into a jog.

“Nowhere!” She replied and sped up.

Hand in hand they ran along the beach, laughing uncontrollably. For that moment they felt like they had no worries. No one to impress, no decisions to make. No weight of tomorrow or keeping others around you happy. There was nothing, just the two of them.

But they couldn’t run forever. Soon they came to the edge of the beach, cut by a cliff looming over them.

Handong came to a stop and so did Yoobin. Handong’s laughter turned into soft panting and then into quiet sobs.

Yoobin was confused. The exhilaration wore off quickly and soon the heaviness reappeared, Handong’s sobs reached her as well.

And soon they were both sobbing loudly. Handong dropped to her knees and Yoobin kneeled on the sand beside her.

They held each other and cried before the barrier that kept them from running away, from being free.


	4. IV

The moment they finished breakfast, Yoobin took Handong’s hand and pulled her along.

“I need to show you something.”

“I love surprises!” Handong hummed.

At least she seemed to be her usual self, but Yoobin was about to truly put her at ease. She had found something significant.

Yoobin took her on a longer walk out of the resort and up the hill. They followed the road for a while, sharing a water bottle, then took a dusty path. Yoobin’s dad had told her about it the other day when him and her mom went for a walk.

The sun was bright and the landscape with its dry bushes and spiky plants started to look like the desert.

Not for long. Yoobin knew what she was doing. She wrapped her arm around Handong’s waist to help her the rest of the way.

They found themselves on a high cliff – higher than it seemed like they were climbing. On the road it appeared that they were going nowhere, but now the sea outstretched as far as the eye could see.

On the right was the beach of their hotel. On the left were some other beaches of other hotels, separated by the cliff.

Handong was beaming. She held her breath, walking to the edge of the cliff. She spread her arms and cheered. It was a yell of delight, somewhat like a sob.

Yoobin approached her from behind and wrapped her arms around Handong’s waist. She didn’t join in on the yelling, but she did laugh. For once Yoobin didn’t hold back as she did so.

It felt like a conquest.

But Yoobin wasn’t done yet. She took Handong by the shoulder and swiftly turned her around. The high of the moment was enough to give her the courage.

It wasn’t quite the skilled kiss. It was desperate and sloppy, the wind messing up their hair and both of them unable to stop smiling.

In the end they just embraced each other.

“See? It’s going to be okay?” Yoobin muttered.

 

Before long Yoobin’s two weeks were up. It was too soon and she’d gotten too used to seeing Handong every day, to doing everything she wanted all day, no responsibilities and always having fun with a girl that she liked and who liked her back.

Realizing what she’d lose and how different things will become, Yoobin understood Handong’s fear. Not quite to the same extent, but she understood.

Yoobin didn’t know how to say goodbye. She couldn’t cry while packing her bags, but she could in the safety of Handong’s arms.

They didn’t speak, only shallow words of reassurance that didn’t do much for either of them.

Yoobin knew she would move on, she would have to. Faith could bring them together again, but until then things would be different.

But Yoobin would miss being happy and carefree.

Handong was the one person who made her feel at ease. She could only hope to someday meet someone like that again.

Handong had said she’d want to see them off, but their flight was early in the morning and her parents didn’t let her.


End file.
